I Don’t Wanna Be Sexy

Some days I want to be a rose bush,

To plant my roots so deep beneath the soil I can feel the heat wafting off the center of the earth

Sexy sounds like a scratched cd stuck on the same shitty song and I’m oh so tired of hearing it

I wanna light the world on fire with my sheer brilliance, set ablaze the notions of incompetence that come with insurmountable beauty

Sometimes I want to be a mechanic

Other times I want to be the car

Sometimes I want to be the sky

Other times I feel like a star

Then I want to be like Harriet–wielding a shotgun between my arms, freeing my people under the threat of death

Sometimes I want to be a mother and weave the fabric of my love into a quilt which will warm the world

Others—I want to be the sole inhabitant of this planet

Nothing but the flowers and me

The sun

And me

I am tough

Tireless

Truthful

Tantalizing

And tender

I am every note of the perfect sonata

I am so much more than sexy—so I don’t wanna be sexy

I want to be faster than the wind

I wanna be little boy blue and big bitch pink all at once

I want to be all the pussies the kitty kats twats and cunts

And some days I want to be the blooming poet basking in the sun and drowning herself in words feelings and more words

If today I choose to be strong and tomorrow to cower beneath the warmth of my sheets I shall do so

I want to be so much more than sexy

I am beautiful, pulchritudinous, outrageously comely and strapped with magazine clips and dreams

I want to be so much more than sexy I’ma actually bring sexy back

Back to black

Back to pitch black full lipped and wide hipped

Big bellied loud mouthed and short tempered

Calm, quaint, and kind of like a doe prancing through grasslands

I want to love and be loved for the ideas bouncing around my head

For the full extent of my person for my devotion dedication and dire

I wish to be the sun in all her exploding glory.

© Ama Akoto (2016)

#Poetry #sexy #blackwomen #sunnyscape #identity

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